- As business owners, why do we need to become confident leaders?
Whether you own a business of 1 (you) or 1,000, you are the leader—of yourself, your business, your life. As a leader, your confidence will determine what you achieve as well as how others respond to you and your business.
In terms of business growth, your confidence will enable you to take on key challenges in growing your business, such as:
· Describing the benefits of your business and educating others why they should do business with you.
· Getting yourself to do the marketing activities that you want to avoid (things like public speaking, networking, running a blog) but you know would help you build your business.
· Inspiring others (your employees, virtual assistants, contractors) to stay motivated and see the big picture.
· Presenting your business from a standpoint of conviction and value (which attracts others and makes them want to do business with you) rather than insecurity or desperation.
- How can we tell if we (or others) lack confidence?
The number one thing to look for is avoidance. When people have confidence, they will take on all sorts of things, feeling secure that even if they “fail,” they’ll work it out. On the other hand, when we lack confidence, we tend to avoid situations when we fear we could fail, embarrass ourselves, or let ourselves or others done.
Keep in mind that avoidance can be subtle. It may not be as obvious as declining to participate in a project. More often, we’ll attempt something but do it half-heartedly or rely on crutches.
For example, let’s say that you lack confidence in your ability to introduce yourself. You may not avoid it (you know you can’t sit there and say nothing), but you use the crutches of speaking really fast, looking down, and not saying an interesting fact about yourself.
Or let’s say that someone lacked confidence about confronting people and having difficult conversations. She may attempt to confront someone but she tries so hard to be nice and not offend that person (her crutch) that she lacks assertiveness and doesn’t express her needs.
- What if we come across as too confident?
Many people worry about appearing arrogant and would rather appear less confident than over-confident. In reality, it is often a lack of confidence that makes people come across as over-confident.
When we lack confidence, we tend to overcompensate. And it is the overcompensation makes people look over-confident (or look like they’re trying too hard) and puts others off.
If someone is worried that he will come across as unintelligent, he’ll try to use fancy language, and will look like he thinks he’s so smart. If someone worries that she will come across as boring, she will try to be interesting, and will look like she loves to talk about herself.
There are exceptions. Sometimes people actually are arrogant and have an inflated image of themselves. You would know if this were you because you’d think that you can do no wrong, your opinion of yourself would be higher than others (you’d be shocked by Bs on papers or performance reviews that were not 100% glowing). You’d dominate conversations and not be interested in others’ viewpoints. If this is you, then these things need to change. If this is not you, then you really don’t need to worry.
- What are 3 simple things we can do to build our confidence?
- Develop your growth mindset. This is your ability to ask yourself questions like, “What can I learn?” from situations regardless of their outcome and NOT to judge yourself from the outcome.
- Take on strategic challenges. Push yourself about 20% past your comfort zone by seeking out and taking on challenges (not just dealing with them as they arise).
- Give yourself credit. Reward your efforts (not your results) when you have done something difficult.
- Can we build confidence from career achievement?
We know from recent research that self-esteem and confidence are some of the most important predictors of career success and income, and that it doesn’t go the other way around—we can’t wait until we having a thriving career and hope that it increases our confidence. Instead, if we develop confidence, we’re more likely to have a thriving career.
Confidence does NOT necessarily come from achievement. It comes from how you interpret your actions. Two people can achieve the same level, and one feels great and proud of her process of getting there, and the other feels that they could have done better or worries if they’ll do as well the next time. (Guess who’s more confident?)
6. How come being effective doesn’t cut it in today’s economy?
As you know, the current economy is a challenging one and it will separate the true leaders from the simply effective people. The cream will rise to the top and they will be the ones who will be most competitive for the best jobs, clients, and other opportunities.
Ironically, in tough times, most people become LESS exceptional. They get scared. They retreat into their comfort zones. They seek security and play it safe. They want to blend in and fly under the radar. They are afraid to accept responsibility for things that don’t go well. They do not step up as leaders.
You must avoid this temptation! These things will keep you in the average zone (or worse) and keep you from being exceptional and presenting your best.
7. What are 5 ways to make yourself exceptional to stand out in a tough market?
· Become an expert. Pick one aspect of your work and make yourself an expert in it, such as “the woman who gracefully handles difficult customers”. This makes you invaluable.
· Speak in specifics. Market the results of your work by highlighting outcomes and data. This type of self-marketing delivers value without coming across as self-promotional.
· Tell stories. Stories engage others and make you memorable. Show your value by telling the success stories of your clients or customers.
· Step up as the leader. During fearful times you’re tempted to fly under the radar, but this makes you dispensable. Instead, pick a project you are qualified to lead and take charge.
· Take ownership. When you’re anxious, fear of failure increases and you don’t want to be blamed for problems. Unfortunately responsibility-shirking undermines your confidence in yourself and others’ trust in you.
8. Why do we know what we need (and even want to do) but we don’t do it?
We high-achieving types are great consumers of knowledge. We always want to learn more and be our best, but most of the time we struggle with turning our knowledge into action. There are many reasons for this, including:
· The timing isn’t right
· We don’t have the right support or other resources
· We aren’t committed to making the change
· We don’t yet have the skills to successfully take action
These reasons can be legitimate and important to consider and manage, or they can be excuses. The #1 reason that we don’t take action is fear. We doubt ourselves and get paralyzed with indecision. When fear is active, these reasons all feel very legitimate, when in reality they are not important.
The key, then, is to critically evaluate your readiness to take action when you are not feeling particularly anxious about the change. If you need to address these factors, do so, and while you have momentum, start taking action!
9. What are the keys to making difficult decisions?
There are essentially two processes at our disposal for making decisions. The fist is rational (based on our thoughts), and the second is emotive (based on our feelings). The second includes the feelings that you’re aware of (excited, interested, skeptical, unsure, afraid, etc.) as well as your intuition or gut feeling.
We owe it to ourselves to use both of these processes when faced with a difficult decision. First, assess your gut reaction. What feels right? Then go through a logical analysis, weighing the pros and cons. Then assess your emotional reaction again. Has it changed?
Bear in mind that much of the research on decision making shows that people are happier with their decisions when they go with their gut reaction or follow their heart. This may be because we try to rationalize our decisions based on what we think we “should” do, but it’s sometimes difficult to change our feelings based on reason.
Our feelings are most helpful in making a decision when they are positive ones. Positive feelings (happiness, liking, interest) compel us toward something while negative feelings (fear, sadness, jealousy) compel us away from something. For example, if you are nervous your feelings may tell you to avoid taking action when in reality this is not the best choice.
So, when in doubt, or if you’re stuck, go with your feelings, especially if they are positive ones.
10. What are the top 5 mistakes that people make when confronting an important change?
When faced with an important decision or change most people make one of the following common mistakes:
1) They avoid the opportunity. They choose to settle for the status quo rather than going after an incredible change because they fear failure and humiliation.
2) They go after the opportunity before they are ready. They plunge right in (knowing that if they don’t take action, they never will). The problem is that they haven’t adequately prepared. They haven’t lined up the resources and support that they need. They haven’t created a plan. They may be successful, but it is more due to luck than strategy.
3) They dilute their responsibility. They go after the opportunity, but choose to be a follower rather than a leader. This way, if it doesn’t work, they aren’t to blame, but if it does, they can claim partial victory.
4) They rely on old crutches. They go for it, but do so with their old crutches and habits which hold them back from truly pursuing the opportunity.
5) They retreat at the first sign of failure. Unfortunately many people escape from uncomfortable situations too early—before they have a chance to get used to the anxiety and achieve their goals.
You see, avoidance is the number one killer of confidence and high-achievement. All five of the mistakes above entail some form of avoidance. The solution is to make a choice and stick to it 100%.
11. What role do public speaking and presentation skills and confidence in front of an audience play in someone being a Confident Leader?
Communication skills are crucial for Confident Leadership. Formal presentation skills (speaking before an audience) are critical, as is the ability to think on your feet and spontaneously answer questions and make decisions, and the ability to have casual conversations where you connect to others.
Without strong communication it is impossible to influence others with your ideas. The most important aspect of communication for Confident Leadership is your nonverbal skills. It’s not what you say as much as how you say it. Your nonverbal skills include body language (facial expression, posture, eye contact) as well as your voice tone (does it sound warm, powerful?), speed (fast enough to have energy but slow enough to be clear), volume (is it sufficiently loud without being overpowering?), and articulation (do you slur your words together?).
Communication is in the eye of the beholder, so it’s important that your nonverbal communication resonate with those with whom you’re speaking. For example, if your audience is high energy salespeople, you need to mirror this energy level with a louder voice and faster pace.
Leaders’ emotions are contagious to others. If a leader is nervous, others will feel uncomfortable. This is why it is so important that leaders have authentic confidence, while presenting, while having conversations, and in all situations.
a. What makes some executives ‘Exceptional’ communicators and others not so?
Executives who are exceptional communicators (and are seen as others to be charismatic) have strong empathy and listening skills. Their empathy allows them to take the emotional temperature of their colleagues, employees, and customers, and respond accordingly. Confident leaders recognize when others are uncomfortable or apprehensive and then ask questions to truly understand the issues. They are able to then help to create real resolutions rather than band-aid solutions.
In order to have and use empathy skills, you must possess an interest and curiosity in others as well as a desire to help them maximize their potential. Without empathy, people feel you don’t “get” them and then they resist your influence. Empathy puts you on the same page, makes others feel understood, and makes others want to listen to you and follow your ideas.
Empathy relates to charisma because we perceive people to be charismatic based on how they make us feel. If we feel that they’re genuinely curious and interested in us, our perception of their charisma goes up. When people lack confidence, it is more difficult for them to be empathic and listen well because they will be in their own heads, thinking of what they are going to say next, and trying to appear confident to make up for how they truly feel.
- What are some tips for overcoming fear and gaining confidence to speak to groups (especially for those who are now involved only with one-on-one counseling or consulting)?
The cliché is true that the more you do it, the easier it gets, but there are some additional factors to consider. First, you want to get practice speaking in low-stakes situations. This means that the audience and the result of the speaking engagement are not particularly important to you. Groups like Toastmasters can be very helpful for this.
Second, you want to get comfortable with the people in your audience before your talk. One of my favorite ways to do this is to mingle with people as they come in or stand by the door and great them.
Third, you want to feel confident that you are delivering helpful relevant value to your audience. Learn as much as you can about their needs and their goals for your talk ahead of time. Speak to the meeting planner, survey members of your potential audience, and research the group so you know what style of presentation (formal, interactive, etc.) works best for them.
- How can baby boomers who are considering their next career move bring their previous experience into new leadership situations?
It’s interesting because a lot of the most important skills to be an exceptional leader are not the skills that most people think of as leadership per se. Instead, they are characteristics of emotional intelligence, things like empathy, listening skills, organizational awareness (understanding the big picture and vision of the organization as well as politics), confidence, and emotional regulation (keeping appropriately calm or energized no matter what the situation.
I encourage leaders to take inventory of their experience with aspects such as these. Ideally they not only write down their own views but gain feedback from others, either with 360-degree feedback or other forms of collecting data (ideally, anonymously for maximum honesty).
In taking your own inventory, first become aware of your strengths. Do this by writing down your key accomplishments and accolades in your career. Then take note of what underlying characteristic the achievement exemplified or built.
For example, “In my sales role, I achieved the highest sales in our region.” This achievement was due to natural strengths in listening to people and understanding where they’re coming from (empathy and influence). This achievement developed my self-awareness and emotional regulation by dealing with high-pressure sales situations.
Most emotional intelligence skills can be learned. We’re all stronger in some areas than others and we want to capitalize on our strengths as well as develop the areas that are important in our leadership roles.
How can we find out more about becoming confident leaders?
My new book The Confident Leader: How the Most Successful People Go from Effective to Exceptional provides a 6-step formula for taking on key challenges, making difficult decisions, and navigating outside your comfort zone.
The second half applies the formula to key business areas such as staying focused and motivated, marketing yourself, standing out, and dealing with difficult people. It includes interviews with business leaders such as Seth Godin, Tim Sanders, and Joe Vitale. Learn more and get bonus offerings for business owners at http://www.ConfidentLeaderBook.com
